Wall Street speaks heresy
A top Wall Street money man Julian Robertson has committed religious heresy against the Apple Cult by claiming that its latest CEO Tim Cook was actually better than its mystical fruity founder Steve Jobs.
Still refuses to confess because it insists it is not evil.
Fruity cargo cult Apple has lost its appeal against conviction for conspiring with publishers to raise the price of e-books but is still refusing to admit it could have done anything wrong.
Wants to rival the Berlin Zoological Garden
Apple's favour supplier Foxconn (Hon Hai Precision Industry) chairman Terry Guo who once called his staff animals and himself as the Zookeeper, claims his company will be the largest OEM/ODM for handsets, tablets and desktops in 2015.
This time on purpose
While Apple was rightly mocked for releasing a phone which could bend easier than a Romanian gymnast it seems that the Knight of the Rounded Rectangle Sir Johnny Ives thinks it was a pretty super cool idea.
Lizard on Board
Fruity cargo cult Apple is apparently part of the Lizard inspired illuminati cover-up of the 9/11 terrorist plot.
Launches its own music streaming service
The Search Engine Google has forced the fruity retailer of overpriced toys onto the back foot by releasing a free version of its music streaming service for a fraction of the price.
Just like its users
Taiwan's top Apple analyst has released a prediction that the next iPhones will be thicker than the last—0.2 mm thicker.
Apple overlords are amateurs
When Fruity Cargo Cult Apple bought Beats headphones it was not clear how much of a marriage in hell the arrangement was. While Apple was famous for its obscenely high profit margins it was a bunch of amateurs in comparison to Dr Dre.
People didn't want it
Apple has made the admission that people don't want the "original" iPad mini and have killed it off.
Has a scary bug
More than 600 million Samsung phones may be vulnerable to attacks that allow hackers to surreptitiously monitor the camera and microphone, read incoming and outgoing text messages, and install malicious apps.