Analyst dubs Apple a scaredy cat
Published in Wearables
Friday, 24 July 2015 12:09

Analyst dubs Apple a scaredy cat


Too frightened to reveal iWatch failure

A German analyst has dismissed Apple's claims that it does not want to reveal its iWatch figures because it would give the competition an advantage.

Apple wants India to make up for China
Published in Mobiles
Friday, 24 July 2015 11:39

Apple wants India to make up for China


Looking to recruit slum dog millionaires

Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is looking to replace what is predicted to become a shrinking market in China by adopting a missionary position for its cargo cult in India.

Apple inserts bug into OSX
Published in News
Friday, 24 July 2015 11:07

Apple inserts bug into OSX


Allows designer malware

The software genii at Apple have redesigned their OSX software to allow malware makers to make designer micro-software that can infect Macs with rootkits.

Apple has 75 percent of smartwatch market
Published in Wearables
Thursday, 23 July 2015 10:03

Apple has 75 percent of smartwatch market


That is how miserable the market is

Despite the poor figures Apple Watch is the best player in the awful wearables market. 

ARM being dragged down by Apple
Published in Processors
Wednesday, 22 July 2015 13:16

ARM being dragged down by Apple


Too close for shareholders

Investors in ARM are deeply worried about its close relationship to the fruity cargo cult Apple.

We were right Apple results are grim
Published in News
Wednesday, 22 July 2015 11:34

We were right Apple results are grim


Tame Apple Press is spinning like a mad thing

Yesterday we warned the Tame Apple Press would be spinning what were expected to be bad results and we were right.

Apple adverts show it has lost its way
Published in Mobiles
Tuesday, 21 July 2015 12:23

Apple adverts show it has lost its way


Admits that others are doing the same things cheaper

Apple's latest wave of adverts seem dedicated to the fact that its rivals are producing products that are the same and much cheaper

Apple press gears up for shock results
Published in News
Monday, 20 July 2015 15:58

Apple press gears up for shock results


They will be great honestly

The Tame Apple Press is gearing up to spin tomorrow's financial results, even though there are some suggestions that they will not be that great.

Apple stuffs up iPod release
Published in Wearables
Monday, 20 July 2015 11:51

Apple stuffs up iPod release


It does not work with Apple Music

Apple appears to have forgotten all about its new iPod and forgotten to make it play nice with Apple music.

A9 chip production starts
Published in News
Friday, 17 July 2015 13:18

A9 chip production starts


Delayed by Apple


Samsung and TSMC have started production of the chip which is supposed to be under the bonnet of the iPhone 6s.