Too frightened to reveal iWatch failure
A German analyst has dismissed Apple's claims that it does not want to reveal its iWatch figures because it would give the competition an advantage.
Looking to recruit slum dog millionaires
Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is looking to replace what is predicted to become a shrinking market in China by adopting a missionary position for its cargo cult in India.
Allows designer malware
The software genii at Apple have redesigned their OSX software to allow malware makers to make designer micro-software that can infect Macs with rootkits.
That is how miserable the market is
Despite the poor figures Apple Watch is the best player in the awful wearables market.
Too close for shareholders
Investors in ARM are deeply worried about its close relationship to the fruity cargo cult Apple.
Tame Apple Press is spinning like a mad thing
Yesterday we warned the Tame Apple Press would be spinning what were expected to be bad results and we were right.
Admits that others are doing the same things cheaper
Apple's latest wave of adverts seem dedicated to the fact that its rivals are producing products that are the same and much cheaper
They will be great honestly
The Tame Apple Press is gearing up to spin tomorrow's financial results, even though there are some suggestions that they will not be that great.
It does not work with Apple Music
Apple appears to have forgotten all about its new iPod and forgotten to make it play nice with Apple music.