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Friday, 17 August 2012 09:23

Apple lawyers on crack claims Judge

Written by Nick Farrell



Gorilla glass pipes

Apple lawyers had to deny an accusation that they were on crack during the patent trial against Samsung.

Judge Lucy Koh appears to be losing patence with Apple and Samsung lawyers who appear to be trying to bog her court room down with rubbish. But yesterday she got a 75-page briefing which Apple laywers wanted her to read which covered more than 22 potential rebuttal witnesses the company might want to call after Samsung finishes presenting its case. Koh snarled that Apple would not present her with such a lengthy document “unless you're smoking crack you know these witnesses aren't going to be called!” 

Apple attorney William Lee was a little shaken. After all Apple is used to having people doing what they are told and no one had ever accused him of doing hard drugs before. He insisted that he was not smoking crack, we guess it was just the way he walked. He did not reveal to the court what his drug of choice, if any was.

Lee did agree to cut the document rather than something on a mirror. He thought he could run through all of its witnesses in the time it has remaining if they were on speed, er sped up. We think that Koh is onto something. After all if Apple's upgrades are addictive, why not link them to some chemical substance like crack. Everytime a user upgrades they get a hit in a gorrilla glass pipe with an Apple logo on it. This would make Apple fanboys chemically dependant on their shiny toys as well as mentally addicted to the marketing.

Nick Farrell

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