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Wednesday, 27 March 2013 19:41

Microsoft Blue will be screen of death

Written by Nick Farrell



Too much wicked weed in Seattle

Redmond’s management decisions seem to being made by a collection of student dope heads completely out of touch with reality.

We managed to get a transcript of one of their meetings about the next version of Windows which proves our point. Names have been changed to initials to protect the guilty.

A: Hey guys, guys, guys you know that um, blue screen of death thing, which everyone hassles us about. (assorted groans)
A: Well I just had a really, really cool idea….
B: How cool is it?
C: (Giggles) It is so cool that it could chill Ballmer out! (General giggles)
A: No, no, guys, guys… yeah you too Sandra… what we do is we name our next version of Windows, Windows Blue. Then everyone would think that Blue Screen was a good thing.
C: Or that it was always going to have a Blue Screen of Death.
B: Windows Blue (breathes in and slowly exhales) Yeah that is cool – redeeming.
C: So what should we put in Windows Blue?
A: Well I have been thinking, you know how most people use a desktop to do anything?
B: Unless they are using a tablet…
C: Or a mobile.
A: Well I think it would be really innovative if we got rid of the desktop function completely!
C: Hang on, hang on, I have something really important to say about that….. (loud burp) (hysterical laughter)
B: I want to add… (farts)
(more hysterical laughter)
A: Yeah right what do you reckon though?
C: About what?
A: No desktop on Windows Blue.
B: Well as you guys know I am in marketing… (General raspberries) Yeah, all right! I think it might be interesting to try and market windows as the first operating system that no one can actually use since Windows first came out.
C: OOOhhh now that is what I call thinking. Cool motto too – what about… “And now an operating system that the whole family can’t use: Windows Blue”
A: We could go for the consumer market with “not even your boss could force you to work on our desktop: Windows Blue.”
B: Anyone got any kit-kats? I am starving.

What is perhaps the most alarming is all this is pretty true. Almost every magazine in the US is claiming that Microsoft is going to kill of Windows 8 desktop mode in favour of something more like Metro.

Information Week said that Windows Blue tablet-centricism is so pervasive and the ability to modify Control Panel settings which allowed users to shift to the desktop side of the OS is likely to go.

The changes can certainly be justified in the name of convenience but they will also wean users off the more familiar Explorer environment by encouraging them to conduct more of their business in the tablet UI, the magazine wrote.

Extreme Tech added that if you had any lingering doubts about whether Microsoft was trying to kill off the Desktop, here's confirmation.

They must be smoking something.

Last modified on Wednesday, 27 March 2013 19:46

Nick Farrell

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