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Wednesday, 20 November 2013 11:57

Apple gets approval for flying saucer

Written by Nick Farrell



Jolly expensive and can’t fly

Fruity cargo cult Apple has managed to get approval for its flying saucer style corporate office block in Cupertino. The building is important for the Apple cargo cult because where all Apple fanboys will face whenever they turn on their expensive devices and offer up a prayer to Steve Jobs. Jobs himself had a hand in the design of the building, which was designed to look like a spaceship. Like most things Apple, it looks nice, costs a lot but cannot actually do anything useful, like fly.

An obsession with flying saucers is exactly the sort of thing that typified the Heaven’s Gate cult so it was possible that Jobs might have wanted his followers to meet him in outer space to journey to infinite realms of possibility. He did not say this; we are just throwing out seeds and suggesting to fanboys that he wanted you to follow him.

Anyway, the Cupertino City Council has finally given Apple full approval to go ahead with its campus building. Jobs mob has agreed to fork over more money to the city in the form of a reduced sales tax rebate. Apple gets its final permits sometime today, it can begin purifying the former HP headquarters building and start building its own. The circular 2.8-million square foot glass-clad structure you see above is the main hub of the whole affair, and is said to have an underground parking facility that can hold around 2,400 cars or the souls of those who wasted their cash on Apple gear.

There'll be a 100,000 square foot fitness centre, a 120,000 square foot auditorium for massed rallies where black shirted Apple fanboys will raise their right hand and pledge themselves to the holy rounded rectangle symbol. Apparently the whole thing will be ready in 2016. If things continue on their present course for Apple under CEO Tim Cook, they will have to sell the building and move back into Steve Jobs’ garage.

Nick Farrell

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