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Thursday, 05 June 2014 11:45

Apple fanboys watch more porn

Written by Nick Farrell

Saves on girlfriends

Despite the fact that Steve Jobs watched to purge porn from the Internet, a hugely disportionate amount of the world’s porn is consumed by the users of Apple’s Safari browser. According to data gathered from Pornhub, one of the biggest free pornography sites, Safari on the iPhone and iPad is used more than any other mobile browser.

In a press release, Pornhub said that over the last year Pornhub has seen a major shift in the types of traffic coming to our site. Of the 38 million people who visit Pornhub each day, over half are now using mobile devices like tablets and smartphones. Apple’s iPad was the most used tablet by quite some margin, with Safari claiming 73 percent of the porn site’s tablet visitors, with Google’s Chrome, which is available on the iPad and Android tablets, a distant second used by 13.6 per cent of visitors.

Apple’s iPhone users are also avid viewers of Pornhub. The smartphone version of Safari claims a 38.2% share of all the porn site smartphone users globally, beating the Android browser, which holds a 29.4% share. Google’s Chrome mobile browser, which is available on both Android and the iPhone, holds an 18% share and Window Phone’s Internet Explorer comes in fourth with 2.4% of visits.

Presstitutes working for the tame Apple Press did their best to spin the news into something positive for Apple. They claimed that since Pornhub served civilised countries it was not surprising that Apple’s safari browser dominated the figures. In the US where it had a 54.5 per cent share and the UK where it had 59 per cent share of tablet users in 2013.

However that does not really work. All the figures prove is that those with Apple software are watching more porn than those who use other operating systems. This implies that if you use Apple gear you are statistically less likely to get laid and need spend your time alone in your mum’s basement streaming porn. It would be a good thing to point in the adverts we would have thought:

“Warning buying this product means that you are statistically going to get less sex and need to watch more porn.”

It also explains why Apple fanboys are such tossers.

Nick Farrell

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