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Advertisers talk like ten year olds on Facebook

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Research performed by competitive intelligence company Track Maven said that advertising on Facebook could have been penned by a ten year old kid or a 42 year old American who thinks that God created the world in seven days and that vaccines give you autism.

After looking at 5.804 Facebook pages and 1,578,006 posts the researchers looked at the writing quality of advertising writers of shedloads of brands on Facebook. More than 67.3 percent of Facebook posts are written at 10 year old reading level or below. Now the question is, are the writers of advertisements 10 year-olds, bad writers or just think their consumers are stupid. 

Well apparently the study found that if you slap exclamation points at the end of your posts, they will enjoy 2.7 times the engagement. But do not ever put a question mark at the end of a sentence because we don't care that other people want to ask us things. We're far more interested in the fact that they're excited. Or, rather, excited!!!!! If you put a hashtag on your advertisements your engagement will surge by 60 percent.

You should not write a post longer than 40 words because people never read longer ones, and so the chances of you getting this far in a story and noticing me calling your mother a bag of shit is about the same chance I have of the editor getting this far down and noticing. However if you can write 80 words or more you get twice the engagement. What is interesting is that if you write like your target audience is a drooling loon, or as we say here, an Apple Fanboy, you will get more hits.

So something like “our rounded rectangle is so, like, cool and sexy and totally for everyone that all you have to do is buy it and everyone'll think you're cool!!! People will read your advert and buy your product without questioning it.”

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