Finally wakes up
The Tame Apple Press is starting to report what we have been saying for months, iPhone sales have slumped for the first time in ten years.
Cook will have a hard sell
The leader of the world’s most successful religion with more than a billion fanatical followers is going to meet the Pope.
Will be late, but will still claim to have invented it
With even Microsoft being active in the VR market, it seems that Apple thinks there might be mileage in the technology.
Japan Display is set to mass produce OLED panels – but not until 2018
Japan Display already supplies smartphone screens to Apple, but faces stiff competition from South Korea's LG Display.
Keep your wife out of your email while you enjoy the afterlife
Fruity cargo cult Apple is providing a new feature for dead fanboys – it is apparently locking loved ones out of your accounts without a court order.
Seven year olds mining for Cobalt
Apple, Samsung and Sony have been named and shamed in an Amnesty International report for not doing enough to prevent child labour crimes in the production of products.
Build your gear in America dammit!
Comedy presidential option Donald Trump has angered the Tame Apple Press by daring to suggest that if he was elected Apple would be forced to make its products in the US.
Just a minor update
Hopes that the fruity cargo cult Apple would save its moribund iWatch with a bold new wearable device, which did what everyone though the first one would do, are looking less likely.
Gives you the impression the battery life is longer
Apple has revealed that its iPhone 6s, which is remaining on the shelves because no one wants it, has a super cool feature which tells you your battery is fuller than it really is.