Sales forcasts slashed
Analysts have finally started to wake up to the fact that Apple is probably attempting to flog a lemon with its iWatch.
Yields will be fine
The dark satanic rumour mill has been churning out yarns claiming that Jobs' Mob's iWatch was suffering from poor yield rates at the Quanta plant.
We don't make watches for the likes of you
Apple has taken the unusual step of admitting that if you have tattoos then the iWatch will not work for you.
You get what you pay for
Fruity cargo cult Apple's iWatch has shipped with a crucial component which was later found to be broken.
Apple mean time only
Fruity Cargo cult Apple believes that only it has the right to tell its users the time of day. Apple has updated its App Store Review Guidelines to prevent developers from creating Apple Watch apps that display the time.
OK for now, but still no plan
Apple released some reasonable results which seem to show that in the long term the company could be facing trouble.
A dollar a day
On the day when Apple is going to take most of the headlines with its low key iWatch launch, LG has bravely announced its own version of the wearable technology.
Apple bans non-existant queues
Apple launched its iWatch today and you would be forgiven if you failed to notice.
There really is no hope for humanity
While anyone with any technical sense has placed the iWatch on "avoid," Apple has already made $3 billion on the chocolate teapot tech.