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iPad replaces Bible in Atlantic City

by on12 February 2013

It is enough to make anyone swear

The Apple cargo-cult managed a breakthrough this week when it was decided that people could finally swear on an iPad rather than the Bible.

After a few hundred years of swearing to protect citizens on the Bible, Atlantic City decided that it was acceptable to swear on a holy symbol of consumer shallowness instead. It promoted several firefighters to the rank of Battalion Chief and Fire Captain by having them swear on an iPad.

Once upon a time the fundamentalist Christians of America would not be seen dead without their bibles. But when the firefighters showed up for the swearing in ceremony, none of them had one on him. It looked like the event would have to be cancelled. Apparently if you don’t swear on a translation of book cobbled together over 2500 years which is based on the demands, ranting, and apparent love of a Canaanite mountain god, you are not allowed to rescue people from fires in Atlantic City. Then someone pulled up an iPad with its holy Apple logo on it, which was sanctified by the death of Steve Jobs, and asked “would this do?” 

They downloaded a Bible app to make sure that the swearing in was still legal. But then the eight firemen swore on their iPads to protect the city from fire. It would be ironic if, following the path of the Apple II, the iPads caught fire. However fortunately Jehovah is not that iRonic.

More here.

Last modified on 12 February 2013
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