Published in Games

Microsoft feeds gamers breast milk

by on19 March 2014

Titanfall drink cures depression

Software giant Microsoft has backed a new energy drink based around its Titanfall game which contains the active ingredient in breast milk.

The big idea is that the energy drink will help them focus but it also contains phenylalanine, an ingredient found in breast milk, which supposedly helps to fight depression as well.

This makes sense really. Those who play Titanfall too much are going to get depressed that they can’t win and lack a girlfriend. In addition, the likelihood of a real pair of breasts to play with, other than their own, is somewhat remote so they are only going to pick up phenylalanine in a can.

The Titanfall 5-Hour Energy drink comes in a berry flavour and will be exclusive to Wal-Mart so they will probably not be seen on this side of the pond. Energy drinks generally are foul, but if you do not want to drink it, our American readers can at least collect it.

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