The fruity cargo cult, which is desperate to get out of smartphones after the market saturated, has decided that its best bet is getting into cars. The technology group will next week launch its first in-car operating system with Ferrari, Mercedes-Benz and Volvo.

Already there are rumours that Apple might buy Tesla, but this idea might be a better bet. Under the deal it looks like Apple is embedding its software in devices other than its own branded products. Ferrari, Volvo and Mercedes-Benz is keeping with Apple’s concept that only the very rich should be able to afford their products. The market is dominated by Microsoft and IBM but almost everyone wants to create "connected cars" that would see automobiles become "the largest social mobile devices we own."

Needless to say it means that Ferrari, Mercedes-Benz and Volvo drivers will be forced to use Apple Maps as in-car navigation, as well as listen to music and watch films. Calls can be made through the system, which will tie into the Siri voice recognition platform so that messages can be read to the driver who can respond by dictating a reply.

Basically this means that there will be lots of very expensive motors driving around at high speed, completely lost, screaming at their talking dashboards while Coldplay blasts out the open window. Still if they are Apple IIs they would also be on fire. (The 458 has a habit of bursting into flames even without an Apple II. Ed)