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Apple workers walk into walls

by on06 March 2018


Soon everyone will have a nose as thin, flat and as useless as an iPhone

As Steve Jobs lay dying, his last project was a super-cool headquarters where his staff could beaver away in his absence.

Assisted by Norman Foster, Jobs designed the building, so it was shaped like a polo-mint, a doughnut,  a spaceship, or one of those cushions you sit on when you have haemorrhoids depending on who you talk to.  Apple’s HQ was supposed to be a state-of-the-art design that made people say “wow.” However, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, they are more likely to say “ow.”

This is because staff keep walking into glass doors and windows thanks to Jobs ignoring a warning from a building inspector that the all-glass design was bloody stupid and people would not be able to tell where the door ends and the wall begins.

Apple, of course, knows far better than any poxy building inspector about design.  After all it invented the rounded rectangle, and everyone knows that the iPhone had a beautiful glass casing to make it robust and free of cracking.

However at least three Apple employees have been cracked as they walked or ran into the ultra-transparent glass hard enough to require emergency medical treatment.  We are not just talking broken noses here; these cases were serious enough to be carried off in ambulances following a 911 call.

Employees have reportedly been dealing with the problem since Apple Park first opened in a limited capacity last year. Workers have been resorting to sticking yellow sticky notes on the glass doors to help. Apple management has been taking the notes down because they were detracting from Steve Job’s perfect design.

Instead, Apple has reportedly had to resort to putting rectangular stickers on some of the glass to try and avoid further injuries, having started with the doors. Apple uses similar stickers in some of its glass-doored stores.

The building is also a curse for the local environment. Birds flying into large panes of glass is a fairly common hazard, but it could also be that Mother Nature is attempting to raise the standards of the world by taking the glass monstrosity out.

Apple’s vice president of real estate and development, Dan Whisenhunt, reportedly acknowledged the problem to the Rotary Club of Cupertino. He said: “We’ve had people bump into the glass. That’s a problem we are working on right now.”

Our theory is that the omnipotent Steve Jobs knew that this would happen, after all Apple has always had a problem coming up with something better than windows.  It is just that the bloke who used to park his car in the disabled spot, didn’t like his staff much. So that is something we have in common.

Last modified on 06 March 2018
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