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Apple shuts a fifth of its stores

by on21 December 2020


Religion retreats before government persecution and plague

Fruity cargo cult Apple is closing a fifth of its cathedrals of market and consumerism and is blaming the evil demonic coronavirus.

In a statement Apple said that the closure is temporary and is due largely to government persecution of the cult.

"New COVID-19 restrictions and worsening outbreaks have compelled Apple to temporarily close nearly one fifth of its retail stores during one of the busiest shopping weeks of the holiday season", moaned the Tame Apple Press. Apple recently re-closed all 18 of its stores across Germany and the Netherlands.

In fact the shut downs appear selective. 401 of Apple's 509 locations worldwide remain open as of publication. Most open locations in the US are limited to Express storefront pickup of online orders and Genius Support. Walk-in shopping and customers without an appointment are not accepted at Express locations.

It's not hard to guess why the stores are reclosing, particularly in California where COVID-19 saw its four deadliest days yet in a row last week as part of an ongoing surge, and in London where Prime Minister Boris Johnson has just put the city in emergency lockdown.

However, one has to wonder how relevant the whole High Street thing is to Apple.

 

Last modified on 21 December 2020
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