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Musk holds product launch with no products

by on02 March 2023

Plan 3 from outer space

Supreme rich twit Elon [look at me] Musk hit a new low at his Tesla investor day yesterday when he stood up and offered them nothing other than his glorious presence.

Investors attending “Master Plan 3" expected a new Tesla model, perhaps the repeatedly delayed cybertruck, the never-arriving affordable electric car, an advancement in Tesla’s vapourware robotaxi plans. However, they got nothing other than a glimpse of the business genius himself.

In the company’s previous 2017 “Master Plan, Part Deux,” Musk promised big. Stupid things like electrified “high passenger-density urban transport” and a fully autonomous Tesla fleet of robotaxis which he totally failed to deliver. To be fair he did deliver the Las Vegas Loop—a glorified single-lane tunnel but that is not something anyone wants to talk about.

So what investors got at Plan 3, was Musk talking up his latest obsessions, which he could have picked up reading a sci-fi novel on the plane over.

Musk talked about a five-part plan to transition our planet to a sustainable energy system (electrifying the grid, EV’s, heat pumps, “green” hydrogen, electric boats and planes). He then vaguely mentioned that Tesla would be involved in each aspect of that plan without mentioning any details.

After running out of ideas to enthuse about, the billionaire passed the mic off to a series of Tesla engineers who spoke in technical terms about things that the company has already done and demonstrated in its previous vehicle models. Various Tesla employees spoke on the company’s design philosophy, streamlined production strategy, driver assistance, AI-tech, charging stations, and supply chain.

There was no mention of an affordable $25,000 Tesla model, although there was some talking about reduced production costs and past changes to the supply chain and assembly line.

Two Tesla designers said the next-generation model would be revealed at an unspecified later date.

Musk briefly reappeared to mumble some stuff while a video of the company’s Optimus humanoid robot played on the screen. He claimed the robot could walk now, but for some reason did not show that off. This might be because when it was last displayed engineers were so relieved that it did not fall over and investors thought it a huge disappointment.

For those who came in late, Musk promised that we would all have affordable Optimus robots in our homes this year. Presumably, at the same time, Linux replaces Windows on the desktop.

So, after hours of presentation, there was nothing new to report and observers could not but feel that Musk was just opening his mouth and letting the wind blow his tongue around. Tesla shares fell 1.43 per cent after the showing.  


Last modified on 02 March 2023
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