Turning to a case to solve the problem

While the fruity tax-dodging cargo cult thinks that it will make a killing by removing the headphone jack from its iPhone 7, it seems that there is a movement among fanboys to bring it back.

Creating a fake China crisis

Samsung is not being allowed to get off the hook for its battery woes on the Samsung Note 7 and now it is pretty clear that the Tame Apple Press has resorted to “making stuff up.”

It is storing your data after all

Despite promises that iMessage conversations are safe, it appears that there is a method that they could up in the hands of the spooks and law enforcement.

Some people are too thick to live

YouTube meanies played a cruel trick on people stupid enough to upgrade their iPhone 7s by telling them a "secret hack" to get a headphone jack which involved drilling into the phone.

Poor battery life, tired design

While you may not be aware of it, Apple’s most expensive iPhone ever, the iPhone 7, is getting poor reviews – at least among those reviewers who take their job seriously and don't adopt the missionary position when it comes to Jobs' Mob.

Brave technology failure

Apple fanboys who wasted money “upgrading” to the iPhone 7 have been blessed with a new “feature” which turns off their controls.

You get what you pay for

When it is not hissing at customers for making it work, Apple’s new iPhone 7 is using Airplane mode as an excuse for a permanent snooze.

Are all these "exploding" Note 7 cases real?

A recent case in China has suddenly made the case of the “exploding” Galaxy Note 7s look like a conspiracy.

Mind the Gap

It seems that Apple did not remove the headphone jack to allow it to provide more space after all.

We hate you all

Apple hates its customers so much the iPhone 7 hisses at them, particularly if they insist on making it actually do something hard.