Apple continues to disappoint Wall Street
Analysts pray it can claw back money by offering “services”
Fruity cargo-cult Apple is continuing to disappoint the cocaine nose-jobs of Wall Street with its lacklustre performance, but it has convinced them that it will make a fortune selling services.
Apple kills butterfly with scissors
These butterflies are just so unreliable
Apple is to ditch the butterfly mechanism used in MacBooks since 2015, which has been the root of reliability issues and is about as popular as the Boston Strangler with Mac users.
Apple’s sign-in insecure
You get that when you mess around with standards
An outfit behind the OpenID open standard and decentralised authentication protocol, has penned an open letter to Apple saying its "Sign In with Apple" feature is insecure.
Ireland opens another privacy investigation into Apple
Turd’s a charm
Apple’s primary regulator in the European Union, Ireland’s Data Protection Commissioner (DPC), has opened a third privacy investigation into the Fruity Cargo Cult.
Ive quit because Cook was not really interested in design
Design over substance has always been Apple’s thing
The inventor of the rounded rectangle, Jony Ive’s shock departure from Apple last week was due to Tim Cook no longer believing that pretty tech was the way forward.
Apple sold 432,000 exploding MacBook Pros
Super, cool and game-changing destruction
Fruity cargo cult Apple has had to recall more than 432,000 15-inch 2015 MacBook Pro with Retina Displaying due to a super cool gaming changing exploding feature.
Rounded rectangle inventor quits Apple
Wants to make new shapes
The man who invented the rounded rectangle and an office where people walk into invisible walls has decided to quit Jobs' Mob to form an independent company.
Apple gives Japan Display $100 million
Jobs taketh away, Jobs giveth, praise be to Steve Jobs
Japan Display will receive a $100 million investment from Apple, its biggest customer.
Apple continues to spend cash on self-driving cars
Writes a cheque for Drive.ai.
Apple Inc on Tuesday confirmed that it had acquired self-driving shuttle firm Drive.ai.
Apple tries to baffle EU regulators with dodgy stats
Why relying facts be your anti-trust defence when you have spin.
Fruity cargo cult Apple has presented a bunch of dodgy statistics to the EU to show that Spotify does not hand over a third of its income to the outfit.