Coronavirus cases rising

Weeks after reopening more than 100 US stores, the fruit themed cargo cult Apple has announced that it will be closing a number of its locations.

That's a nice little rival app but it is in our manor, pay us a third of your profits or it will get damaged

Basecamp launched its email product Hey earlier this week and has already had war declared upon it by the fruity cargo cult.

Can it ever change its spots?

Convicted monopolist Apple has been accused of being up to its old tricks after Japanese tech company Rakuten, best known for its TV streaming service, filed an anti-competition complaint against Apple with the European Commission.

Will make its own chips instead

Fruity cargo-cult Apple is nearly ready to dump Intel and use its own chips in its Macs.

Enables Apple users to pretend they have friends

Working out a way to cash in on COVID-19,  the fruity cargo cult Apple has received a patent for software to which allows group selfies while people in the photo are socially distancing.

You will be tracked

The fruity cargo cult Apple is incandescent with rage after looters dared to take their overpriced trinkets from Apple stores.

No port in a storm

The dark satanic rumour mill has manufactured a hell on earth yarn in which Apple gets rid of all ports on its iPhone cash cow and goes completely wireless.

Hopefully this can bring it into the 21st century

Apple has been unable to improve its rather out of date Siri technology and has been shopping around technology companies to buy the tech it needs.

Because schools can’t read Apple’s esoteric photo formats

Apple’s insistence on using esoteric file formats is forcing fanboys to resit their exams.

Unified programming interface for public health 

Tech giants  Apple and Google have rolled out a COVID-19 exposure notification system, essentially a unified programming interface that will allow public health departments to create their own contact tracing applications.