It's ours, not yours

All Apple Stores outside of China are closed until further notice due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, and it’s preventing some customers from picking up their repaired devices.

Down to number 14

The fruit themed cargo cult has been cast out from among the heavenly hosts of the top five consumer electronics makers.

Believes users will want to give it even more money for nothing

In the middle of a pandemic-fuelled recession, the fruity cargo cult Apple thinks that users will want to give it more money for something stupid.

After Apple release a new iPad Pro which does the same things as the old one

Fruity cargo cult Apple’s legions of fans in the tech press are telling the world+dog that its new iPad Pro 2020 will “finally” kill off the laptop PC.

Tame Apple Press claims it is a good reason to upgrade

Apple’s iPhone has bug which leaks gigabytes of data to the internet, it is not going to fix it and it will break most Apple fanboy’s phone bills.

Repeat offence

The fruity cargo cult called Apple does not appear to have learnt its lesson and has been caught operating another cartel to shut out its rivals.

As it shuts down else where

Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided it is safe enough to open 42 of its branded retail temples to western consumer capitalism in China.

iPhone demand halves in China and Apple blames Kung Flu

Apple sold fewer than half a million iPhones in China in February, government data showed as the coronavirus outbreak halved demand for smartphones.

Apple sues

Ten years ago, David Wang  installed Android on the first-generation iPhone. Now Wang and his colleagues at cybersecurity startup Corellium are doing it again with the ostentatiously titled Project Sandcastle.

If you are dumb enough to agree to it

Apple will now allow push notifications to be used for advertising, so long as users agree to receive the ads first.