Credit Suisse says iPhone sales will drop 12 percent

Beancounters at Credit Suisse have predicted an even darker year for the fruity cargo-cult Apple with iPhone sales expected to decline 12.4 percent this year after last year's 3.2 percent drop.

Following Android again

When the surveillance tool dubbed "Exodus" started appearing on Android, the Tame Apple Press made a big thing about how its favourite operating was safe.

Bought to you by the acronym “FFS.”

Apple is proving that it should be let nowhere near television programming by announcing a TV programme for kids where muppets program software.

Needs more live brains

Fruity cargo cult Apple is desperate for new ideas and has hired one of Google's top minds in artificial intelligence to help out.

Just to drop the wire

Fruity-cargo cult Apple wants punters to splash out $250 on new Beats wireless earbuds.

Impossible to repair with more unpleasant sticky stuff than a John Holmes movie 

Apple’s design teams seem to be taking a little time off lately. According to iFixit, the new, fifth-generation iPad mini looks on the outside like a smaller version of the new iPad Air. But it's an updated iPad mini 4.

Moving from a lemon to a potato

For a while now Apple’s 2,658 mAh batteries have been a source of amusement to those who own real smartphones. Jobs’ Mob has thought that making the phone thinner was more important than a battery which offered more than a day’s worth of juice.

Lower taxes

The fruity cargo cult Apple lowered prices for its products in China on Monday not as an admission that it was overpriced, but because a cut in the country’s value-added tax (VAT) rate came into effect.

Still, it can afford to make a couple of mistakes

Financier Warren Buffett refused to give the thumbs up to  Apple's new suite of services.

It just does not want too

Internal documents leaked to the tech press show that Apple is fully capable of implementing any right to repair legislation.