Two zero-day holes

The fruity cargo cult, Apple has stunned its user fanbase by admitting that the software it touts as more secure than Microsoft has two zero-day security flaws.

Only taken a decade

Fruity cargo cult Apple might have  finally fixed a problem with Siri which it has known about since  September 17, 2014. 

Nothing will be that profitable again

The fruity cargo cult Apple has warned investors that future products may never be as profitable as its iPhone business as it pushes into unproven new markets such as artificial intelligence and virtual reality headsets.

Shows friends their browsing history

A glitch in iPhone web browsers is causing users' internet history to resurface at the most inopportune times, leaving many red-faced and anxious about using their devices in public.

Europeans are far too intelligent to accept this

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is starting to release products with its over-hyped  “Apple Intelligence” features, but it looks like it will not be seen in Europe until the end of the year.

Tame Apple Press in shock

The Tame Apple Press spent Friday night in the pub drowning its collective sorrows as it was announced that Nvidia has overtaken Apple as the world's most valuable company.

iPhone loses its shine

After years of talking up Apple’s iPhone, the Tame Apple Press is having to admit that the iPhone 16 is a dull product which needed to be a lot better.

Not so cutting edge, after all

While Tame Apple Press claims that the fruity cargo cult is at the cutting edge of AI development, its staff knows it is two years behind everyone else.

Might even be able to count to five

The Tame Apple Press is excited about Apple's release of its AI feature on iOS 18.1, claiming that it will be a “major upgrade considering the number of front-facing changes it will bring for the iPhone.”

The price for being petulant

Apple could be in hot water over its decision to scrap iPhone web apps in the European Union, the Financial Times reports.