Apple bans non-existant queues

Apple launched its iWatch today and you would be forgiven if you failed to notice.

There really is no hope for humanity

While anyone with any technical sense has placed the iWatch on "avoid," Apple has already made $3 billion on the chocolate teapot tech.

Might still be vapourware

While the Tame Apple Press is telling anyone that listens that there will be millions of iWatches flogged, it seems that the overpriced toy will not be as available as many think.

Battery life too quick, price too high, a chocolate teapot of time pieces

Apple's iWatch has failed to impress reviewers, meaning that it will be only those with their brains switched off who buy one.

Because they are so damn hip

The fruity cargo cult Apple has decide that the world needs fashion advice from the spotty, tee-shirt wearing "genii" who populate its modern cathedrals to consumer shallowness.

May elect to install special safes in Apple Stores

Apple is said to have some security concerns about the new Apple Watch. The new gold Apple Watch could sell for as much as $5K and up and that isn't small money at all.

Vapourware interest has peaked

It appears that Apple waited too long and relied too much on the press to keep interest in its iWatch vapourware product going. 

iWatch still vapourware

About as useful as a course of leeches

Third party devs on board