Expects internet to surrender in three days
Tsar Vladimir Putin has unleashed his communications watchdogs on VPNs in a desperate bid to make sure no one sources their news from anyone other than him.
Luna 25 a smear on the surface
That nice Mr Putin’s attempt to show Russian technological superiority by returning to the moon while fighting an unpopular war seems to have gone the same way.
In a move that has been greeted with horror by the Tame Apple Press, that very nice Mr Putin has declared a "special military operation" on Apple and its products.
Human rights groups slam fruity cargo cult
Human rights groups have accused the fruity cargo cult Apple of selling the lives of their users in authoritarian regimes such as Russia and China to make profits.
Quicker than waiting for Musk to do it
A Russian arms manufacturer claims it can help the country's military detect and bombard Starlink satellite dishes, which have been crucial to the defense effort in Ukraine.
We can design them but no one will make them for us
Tsar Putin’s plan to churn out computer chips so that Russia can stick two fingers up at leading Western CPU makers such as AMD and Intel have stalled completely because he can’t find anyone to build the chips.
China needs them all itself
The Chinese government has banned exports of Loongson CPUs based on the LoongArch microarchitecture to Russia ironically for the same reasons that the US is not giving it access to its chips.
Failure rates up 1,900 per cent
The failure rate of semiconductors shipped from China to Russia has increased by 1,900 percent in recent months, according to Russian national business daily Kommersant.
Although, we would expect it to sound like that
Derzhspetszviazok head Yurii Shchyhol who is in charge of fighting the Russians in cyberspace appears confident he is winning the world’s first full-fledged cyberwar.
Or he might have just frozen scientific development for a while
Tsar Putin's plan to restore the Russian Empire by switching off Europe's energy supply might have prevented the world from being sucked into a black hole.