Wants the names and addresses of those who spilt the beans
Fruity cargo cult Apple is threatening those who managed to get their hands on details of its products from insiders.
We decide that
Fruity cargo cult Apple is so desperate that staff work in the office to receive the words of wisdom of their managers they are censoring workers from talking about it.
This will end well
The fruity cargo cult has decided that its superior software experts can decide if your ID cards are valid and remove them from your wallet if they do not match the expectations of its wizard facial recognition system.
Stuck on its cash cow
The Tame Apple Press opened the champers after Apple reported another successful quarter based mostly on sales of the iPhone.
Apple rolled out an urgent security update for iOS, iPadOS, and macOS to address a zero-day flaw that it said may have been actively exploited.
On all ranges
The fruity cargo cult Apple will have finally got all its gear working on 5G by next year.
Takes down app which helped people spot the fakes
Apple has removed Fakespot, a well-known app for detecting fake product reviews, from its App Store after Amazon complained the app provided misleading information and potential security risks.
Apple must issue warning to the stupid
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has always had trouble with the fact that its fanboys are not the brightest bulbs, but an announcement on its support page had us worried.
69 too hot for Apple fanboys
It seems that Apple is are so worried about what their fanboys' mothers will think that they have banned their weather forecasting app from using any rude numbers – specifically 69.
Jobs’ Mob does something right on Safari
Fruity cargo cult Apple is ruing the day that it did something right for users by bringing in a no tracking policy on its adverts.