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Apple turns to medicine

by on13 April 2017

What could possibly go wrong?

Now that Apple’s iPhone cash cow is looking decidedly unwell, it appears that the Fruity Cargo Cult thinks that it can reinvent itself as a medical instrument maker.

According to the Tame Apple Press one of Steve Jobs’ super, cool, brilliant ideas before he snuffed it was to suddenly start thinking about medical monitoring. After all if only there was a way for him to have worked out he was likely to die, it would have meant that he could have had all the medical treatment early. Er, that is right there was, he ignored it and preferred to treat his cancer with positive thinking.

Nevertheless, having run out of ideas, it appears Apple has gone back to Jobs’ notes and fund that he had an idea to use sensors to treat diabetes. Apparently Jobs’ Mob has hired a team of biomedical engineers as part of a “secret initiative” which was leaked to the press. Apple is notoriously secret so any project is automatically a secret initiative. Anyone who knows that Tim Cook has gone to the loo has to sign an NDA.

The Tame Apple press though has become rather moist about the idea.

Reuters enthused that the news comes at the time when the line between pharmaceuticals and technology is blurring as companies are joining forces to tackle chronic diseases using high-tech devices that combine biology, software and hardware, thereby jump-starting a novel field of medicine called bioelectronics.

Apple’s shares went up on the news, apparently, people had thought that Apple had run out of other people’s ideas to develop and this changed their minds.

Still the thought of having to rely on Apple to give you a medical diagnosis is a little worrying. It is the very worst sort of doctor. It will be super-expensive, insist that you only listen to its diagnosis and take legal action to prevent you getting a second opinion. When it gets it wrong it will blame you for holding it the device the wrong way, suggest putting a rubber band around your pancreas, or if you die will deny all responsibly for a misdiagnosis and say you were only one of a small number of people who suffered..

Last modified on 13 April 2017
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