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Apple too broke for new staff

by on04 November 2022


Can you lend us a fiver until pay day guv?

Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided that it can no longer afford to take on any more staff.

The company, which normally is claimed to be richer than Croesus has decided it has far too many pesky humans in the building. They are getting in the way and blocking the loos. 

Apple has paused hiring across all departments except for R&D in an attempt to reduce its budget. Word around the flying saucer is that it will be a "slow holiday period" which is something you can't say at Apple. 

The Tame Apple Press claims that there is nothing to worry about because Apple is still flinging money at its R&D programme, but given that it has not come up with much new for a while now we wonder if this is money sensibily spent -- if Jobs' Mob is that poor.

Bloomberg says the cuts will affect corporate functions and standard hardware and software roles so that means that there will be less people around to make sure that Apple hardware and software is less buggy.
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In a statement, Apple says that it continues hiring but is "taking a deliberate approach in some parts of the business." Nevertheless, it remains confident in Apple's future. Hell, if I was worth a trillion dollars and had a cash mountain taller than Mount Everest I would be feeling a bit confident too. In fact, I would be wondering why I would need to make cuts at all.

Apple earned $90.15 billion in revenue for the fourth fiscal quarter of 2022. Annual revenue of $394.3 billion up eight per cent year-on-year, and with annual earnings per diluted share of $6.11, up 9 per cent.

 

Last modified on 04 November 2022
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