Kremlin staff told to get rid of their iPhones
In a move that has been greeted with horror by the Tame Apple Press, that very nice Mr Putin has declared a "special military operation" on Apple and its products.
Apple accused of surrendering to Russia and China for a fast buck
Human rights groups slam fruity cargo cult
Human rights groups have accused the fruity cargo cult Apple of selling the lives of their users in authoritarian regimes such as Russia and China to make profits.
Russian tech company claims it can kill Starlink
Quicker than waiting for Musk to do it
A Russian arms manufacturer claims it can help the country's military detect and bombard Starlink satellite dishes, which have been crucial to the defense effort in Ukraine.
Russian plans to build their own chips stalled
We can design them but no one will make them for us
Tsar Putin’s plan to churn out computer chips so that Russia can stick two fingers up at leading Western CPU makers such as AMD and Intel have stalled completely because he can’t find anyone to build the chips.
Chinese Longsoon chips not going to Russia
China needs them all itself
The Chinese government has banned exports of Loongson CPUs based on the LoongArch microarchitecture to Russia ironically for the same reasons that the US is not giving it access to its chips.
China flogging dodgy chips to Russia
Failure rates up 1,900 per cent
The failure rate of semiconductors shipped from China to Russia has increased by 1,900 percent in recent months, according to Russian national business daily Kommersant.
Ukraine sounds like it is winning the cyber war
Although, we would expect it to sound like that
Derzhspetszviazok head Yurii Shchyhol who is in charge of fighting the Russians in cyberspace appears confident he is winning the world’s first full-fledged cyberwar.
Putin might have saved the world from black hole
Or he might have just frozen scientific development for a while
Tsar Putin's plan to restore the Russian Empire by switching off Europe's energy supply might have prevented the world from being sucked into a black hole.
Russian military touting Chinese bots
Pretending to have invented them
The Russian military, desperate for good news to put on state media, has been dressing up Chinese robots and claiming to have invented them.
Putin tried to steal Apple users' data
All your Coldplay collections are belong to glorious Russian republic
The Tame Apple Press is furious after Russia’s biggest internet services provider appears to have conducted a special operation to re-routed traffic made by Apple users through its own servers.