Europeans are far too intelligent to accept this

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is starting to release products with its over-hyped  “Apple Intelligence” features, but it looks like it will not be seen in Europe until the end of the year.

Tame Apple Press in shock

The Tame Apple Press spent Friday night in the pub drowning its collective sorrows as it was announced that Nvidia has overtaken Apple as the world's most valuable company.

iPhone loses its shine

After years of talking up Apple’s iPhone, the Tame Apple Press is having to admit that the iPhone 16 is a dull product which needed to be a lot better.

Not so cutting edge, after all

While Tame Apple Press claims that the fruity cargo cult is at the cutting edge of AI development, its staff knows it is two years behind everyone else.

Might even be able to count to five

The Tame Apple Press is excited about Apple's release of its AI feature on iOS 18.1, claiming that it will be a “major upgrade considering the number of front-facing changes it will bring for the iPhone.”

The price for being petulant

Apple could be in hot water over its decision to scrap iPhone web apps in the European Union, the Financial Times reports.

iPhone sushi is not an approved technology solution

Fruity cargo cult Apple has been forced to tell its rather stupid fanboys that sticking their expensive iPhones in a bed of rice will not be good for their health.

Apple in a jam

Apple is facing a massive lawsuit from the US Justice Department over its dirty tricks to keep the iPhone on top.

We must do something catch up

Desperate to recover the ground lost by dropping the ball on AI, Apple claims that it has a secret plan to make iPhones smart by allowing them to chat like a real person.

Allows too much data to be shared

US coppers are warning iPhone users to be cautious following a new update which comes with a default setting which allows stalkers and pedophiles to uplift all a phone's data.