Two zero-day holes

The fruity cargo cult, Apple has stunned its user fanbase by admitting that the software it touts as more secure than Microsoft has two zero-day security flaws.

Mostly a spec bump

Apple, the fruity cargo cult, has just released a new iPad Mini with a faster A17 Pro chip that it claims supports Apple Intelligence.

More Macs and iPads expected

Fruity cargo cult Apple plans to rescue its falling sales figures by releasing several new models and upgrades for early next year.

Ironically late

Fruity cargo cult Apple has introduced Apple Pay Later scheme in the US, later than Jobs' Mob thought it would be.

What was Jobs thinking of?

Ex-Apple executive and longtime Apple commentator Jean-Louis Gassee has suddenly woken up and realised that the iPad had no use and is dying off.

Will need to be charged seperately

In a move to show how bleeding edge it is, the fruity cargo cult is reverting back to its first generation Apple Pencil for the new 10th-generation iPad.

Attackers could have complete control of your Coldplay and U2 collection

Fruity cargo cult Apple has admitted that its faultless, super-cool, operating system which rules across all its devices has a feature that allows a naughty person to take control of the machine.

Entry-level iPad loses useful tool

Apple's upcoming entry-level iPad is rumored to cut the 3.5mm headphone jack which while being incredibly useful had been purged from Jobs' Mob's line up ages ago.

Expect a visit from the boys 

Media streaming outfit Netflix has earned the wrath of the Tame Apple Press by working a way around paying a huge amount to the fruity cargo cult Apple for doing very little.

Apparently, sex pests can’t own them without telling the authorities

A sex pest was jailed for a year after ignoring a court order which prevented him from using a shiny iPad unless he told coppers first.