Published in News

UK government plans to deport European Apple fanboys under Brexit

by on27 August 2019

Making Britain great again with a Brexit silver lining

The UK is using Brexit to deport European Apple fanboys from the country – sadly not really, but a cock-up could make it happen.

EU nationals who live in Britain, of whom there are 3.6 million, can apply to the EU Settlement Scheme to be granted "settled status" to allow them to remain. So far only a million are thought to have done so - after all Britain post-Brexit will have no food or medical supplies and will be dependent on the US sending chlorinated chicken to feed its starving people.

A government app which allows EU nationals residing in Britain to apply to stay in the country it is only available for Android and not iPhone. Moreover, the UK government has said that it is not going to make it for the iPhone.

In its instructions for applying for the Settlement Scheme, the British government says "You can only use the 'EU Exit: ID Document Check' app for Android to scan your document" and that if those who don't have access to an Android device must submit their documents by post or in person.

This means that iPhone user will have to pick up something called a pen, which has never been approved as a writing tool by Steve Jobs, mostly because it is too cheap.

Callers to the scheme's helpline who have an iPhone are being told they should "borrow an Android device" which is of course heresy to an Apple fanboy.

The Home Office, the branch of government responsible for immigration and residency status, said it is working on the iPhone app which should be ready "later this year”. By then, if Boris Johnson gets his way, the UK will have done a hard Brexit and applying to join the United States under its popular president and wonderful state healthcare plan.

Of course, if European Apple fanboys are not allowed to stay in Britain, they will have to come over to the mainland where they will lower the technical standards in Europe for sometime.

Last modified on 27 August 2019
Rate this item
(0 votes)

Read more about: