Shares in Intel jumped about 10 per cent after Tan’s appointment was announced on 12 March. Investors got giddy over the man who turned Cadence Design Systems into a 3,200 per cent success story between 2009 and 2021. But five-star investor JR Research reckons it’s a dead cat bounce.

A JR Research report said: “Intels recent outperformance has afforded investors a great opportunity to rotate and get out of the stock. “

It points to a bloated payroll, a stumbling foundry business, and years of half-arsed execution that no one CEO, no matter how polished, can fix overnight.

JR’s not buying the vision of Tan morphing Chipzilla’s foundries into a world-class powerhouse or seriously taking on Nvidia in the AI chip wars.

With Huang’s mob already teasing next-gen GPU architecture and Taiwan’s TSMC armed with endless funds and tech dominance, it’s not a fair fight, the analyst warns.

There’s also the looming spectre of Donald [hamburger-eating surrender monkey] Trump’s threats to nuke CHIPS Act subsidies that were meant to give Intel’s US factories a leg up. Without those, Tan’s uphill sprint turns into a climb without crampons.

The wider Street’s playing wait-and-see: 27 Holds, 1 Buy, and 4 Sells give Intel a tepid Hold rating. Analysts reckon the stock’s 12-month price will hover near $23 — not exactly a thrilling ride.

For now, Tan’s charisma is buying time. But as JR bluntly put it, “Don’t waste the chance.”