Published in Mobiles

Apple disappoints with iPhone announcement

by on08 September 2016

Even the New York Times was unimpressed

Yesterday’s rally by the Apple Cargo Cult did nothing to improve the outfit’s outlook or give the world any new products to get excited about. In fact, it has effectively crippled itself for a year.

The fruity tax dodger released an iPhone 7 which had compelling reasons not to upgrade and an iWatch which was just as pointless as the earlier one. The iPhone 7’s new chip, which was the only really good thing about it, was totally eclipsed by a compelling reason not to buy the phone – the headphones.

For some reason Apple decided to replace the standard headphone jack with something wireless. Not only will this reduce sound quality, it will also mean that anyone who has invested in an expensive pair of headphones will have to buy new ones.

Apple Senior VP Phil Schiller claimed that the 3.5mm port, on the other hand, has to go because the company can't justify the continued use of an "ancient" single-use port. During the iPhone 7’s launch Schiller claimed said Apple said was being “courageous” which apparently is a new way of saying “bloody stupid”.

It is “bloody stupid” forcing people to replace something that works fine with something which is limited. Headphone jacks allow a better quality of sound simply and without headaches. The Bluetooth version, as Apple founder Woz pointed out, give a much lower less reliable sound.

It is “bloody stupid” to force users to move to a technology which does not need to be charged to one which does. The headphones will run out of juice in four hours.

It is also “bloody stupid” to present a product like the iPhone 7 which requires a lot of money to upgrade and ask those who have already splashed out on an expensive pair of headphones to buy another one. Having to buy new gear will make anyone think twice and once you start thinking twice about Apple gear you will stick to the existing product. The chip difference between the iPhone 7 and the iPhone 6 is not really enough to justify an upgrade on its own, but having the inconvenience of the headphones too means you might as well stay put.

Apple also has another problem in selling its product in the UK. The falling pound in the wake of Brexit has meant that the iPhone 7 will be £1,000, making it silly money for a product with all these inconveniences.

What is telling is that the Tame Apple Press was not impressed with the whole shin-dig. The New York Times pointed out that really there was nothing to see here and thought that people might actually wait until the iPhone 8.

As the normally pro-Apple rag the Verge said: “I was not ready for the revenge of the fucking Bluetooth headset... Don't kill a good thing if you don't have a better one waiting, Apple. That's all I ask.”

All up we will say that the iPhone 7 is going to really disappoint. The only people who are going to upgrade are those people who would buy a dog turd if it had an Apple logo on it or those who are locked into Apple’s second hand replacement programme.

We also quite liked this parody site which also effectively took the piss out of Apple's iPhone 7 tech.

Last modified on 08 September 2016
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