Published in Mobiles

Apple purges Christian holiday from iPhone

by on19 February 2018

Thou shalt not have any gods before Steve Jobs

The fruity cargo cult Apple has taken its first stand against rival religions by banning fanboys from celebrating the most significant holiday on the Christian calendar.

From now on, people using iPhones will not be told when Easter is, thus saving them the trouble of mourning the death of the Christian god by binging on chocolate.

It seems that Apple placed the same development team who were responsible for its clock's inability to tell the time or take into account summer time onto the iPhone's calendar.

Easter Sunday, which arrives on April 1 this year, is the culmination of Holy Week, commemorating the resurrection of Jesus Christ and the most important holiday in the Christian religion. However, it's absent from some Apple users' iCal calendars.

To the fake horror of fake news outfit Fox, Apple is advertising nasty liberal holidays, such as Juneteenth (a holiday celebrating the abolition of slavery in Texas), Flag Day and Indigenous People's Day.  However references to the conservative, champion of the wealthy, white, gun-loving and not-Jewish god of smiting liberals – Jesus Christ, are absent.

The 1.2.5 update of Apple's iOS operating system removes all references to Easter Sunday, although some fanboys insist that they can still see it on their phones.

The default setting on iOS devices is for US holidays, which shows holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Independence Day. However, there is an option to add Alternate Calendars, including Chinese, Hebrew and Islamic. But Christian is absent from this list on iOS 11.2.5, thundered Fox.

To be fair, the Hebrew calendar does not show significant religious holidays such as Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah but does show Tishri and Hevan. So it does seem that Apple's coverage of other religions is equally patchy.

Apple runs a cargo cult where users are expected to find happiness and redemption by buying overpriced expensive Apple gear and replacing it each year.

They are required to witness to the power of Steve Jobs by adopting a smug expression of satisfaction and waving the phone in the faces of those who have made sensible phone choices. Journalists who follow the cult are obliged to sacrifice their credibility by hawking the shiny toys and actings as Apple's unpaid press officers.   


Last modified on 19 February 2018
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