Government wants to know where its citizens are at all times in case they are building a guillotine 

The French government is so worried that its citizens might revolt and chop off their heads in the roundabout in the Place de la Concorde that they are spending a fortune on new biometric cards to keep an eye on them.

Excusez-moi, we just don’t trust you anymore.

France's largest bank BNP Paribas has cut off its Russia-based workforce from its internal computer systems in a move to defend itself against a cyberattack.

Failed to negotiate fair deals with news publishers

Google was fined 500 million euro ($593 million) Tuesday by French competition regulators for failing to comply with an order to negotiate fair deals with news publishers for the use of their content.

Nothing to suggest that it is a move by an evil monopoly

The French Competition Authority refused to tell Apple to hold off implementing the changes, which will stop apps tracking iPhone and iPad users without their explicit consent, or force Apple to negotiate with app developers.

Activity boosted by 50 percent

Online retail giant Amazon, which has been operating during the French lockdown, has seen a boost in activity by 40-50 per cent.

Advertisers up in arms

The French competition bureau has received complaints from publishers and advertising firms alleging that Apple is busting their collective asses.

Zuckerberg agrees to actually pay back taxes

Facebook's French subsidiary has agreed to pay more than $118 million in back taxes, including a penalty, after a ten year audit of its accounts by French tax authorities.

We leave all the surrendering to the British these days

French Finance Minister Bruno Le Maire said that France would not ban China’s Huawei from investing in the country, in contrast to Britain which has decided to purge the firm’s equipment from its 5G network by 2027.

My back stretcher has been delayed

Amazon will stop shipping non-essential products to consumers in Italy and France, the company said on Saturday, representing an escalation in the e-commerce giant’s response in regions hard hit by the coronavirus outbreak.

Constitutional court surrenders

The French courts have surrendered to plans by its government to trawl social media to detect tax avoidance.