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Apple tells fanboys not to serve iPhones in rice

by on21 February 2024

iPhone sushi is not an approved technology solution

Fruity cargo cult Apple has been forced to tell its rather stupid fanboys that sticking their expensive iPhones in a bed of rice will not be good for their health.

Apple users have had a problem: they always need their shiny toy on display to thrust them in the face of those who have bought a cheaper and better phone. This behaviour has resulted in phones being dropped or thrown into water.

However, fanboys claim their devices are so super, cool and perfect that all you need to do is put them into a bag of white rice, and they will be restored to perfect health. One rumour claimed that Steve Job’s coffin was stuffed full of rice so that he could emerge having conquered death.

However, Apple has admitted that turning your iPhone into sushi could “wreck your iPhone” with tiny bits of rice.  Jobs Mob also warned against using other common tricks, such as using a hairdryer or a cotton bud to dry the phone, which doesn’t work either.

Other repair experts have found that the rice trick works slower than leaving your iPhone on a table to dry.

Time is critical in these cases, as the main thing is to stop the water from frying the phone’s guts. Of course, time is not something Apple fanboys have on their side. They have to be out and about showing their phone to others, so serving up in a bed of rice makes sense to those who thought buying the phone in the first place was a good idea.


Last modified on 21 February 2024
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